Coaching
For Couples by a Couple
Call
us for a free one hour consultation.
Have
you and your spouse hit a wall in your marriage? Do you dread the
notion of divorce, but don’t know what to do to recapture the love,
feelings of togetherness, and the partnership you once enjoyed? If
so, then there is a good chance that we can be of help to you.
We
are a husband and wife team, and life coaches who specialize in
couples work. We have been married for over thirty years, raised a
number of children and have eighteen years of life coaching
experience. Over the years, we have developed a very effective
coaching method to help couples who are near or at the brink of
breaking up to truly start over in their marriages. Everything we
recommend to our clients made a real difference in our marriage, and
is work that we, ourselves, practice every day.
Your
relationship does not have to be an unhappy power struggle, filled
with sadness, resentment, and other unhappy feelings. If you are
willing to be honest, you can change anything that needs to be
changed. The good news is that you are both probably right, and
probably wrong about how you see your problems. The bad news is that
the only way out of your problems is through them.
So,
why not contact us for a free consultation? We will be happy to learn
about your story, tell you more about our coaching method, and
recommend a course of action.
What
makes a good marriage work?
If
you want your relationship to work, you must have three basic
elements. First, you need to be really good friends. Second, you both
must get your needs met. Third, you must be willing to meet each
other halfway, instead of blaming each other, or wanting to “fix”
the other person.
When
you ask couples who have stayed together twenty, thirty, years or
more who are still happy, they all agree that these three elements
are essential in a marriage. In other words, a happy, fulfilling
marriage does not happen magically or by accident. This certainly was
true for us, and for all the couples we have successfully coached.
Our
life coaching method is unlike many kinds of therapy that are past
oriented. What we do is to guide and support our couples to take
important actions in the present,
so that they can get to know themselves and their partner better,
acknowledge what isn’t working in their relationship, let go of
past hurts and problems, and step into a brighter, more fulfilling
future together.
To
help you save your marriage, we will guide you to:
Slow
Down
If
you want to improve your marriage, the first thing you and your
spouse will need to learn to do is to slow down, and commit both time
and energy, not only into working on your relationship, but also
yourselves.
For
your relationship, this will mean finding one half hour a day where
you both simply talk to each other. At first, you will only share
“headlines” and “feelings.” Over time, you will learn how to
constructively discuss specific issues that need work, so that rather
than being adversaries in your relationship, you will be allies.
For
both of you, this will also mean taking time every day for
self-reflection. First, you will learn how to recognize basic traits
in yourselves that are both positive and negative. Next, you will
learn how to be honest with yourself in order to own the negative.
Then, you will learn how to practice new behaviors that include
holding onto the positive, so that you can let go of the negative.
Over
time, you will be able to use your new self-awareness to take
responsibility for yourselves and positively transform your
relationship. Then, instead of stagnating, your marriage will grow
and thrive.
Stop
Reacting
Once
you have learned to slow down, the next step is to learn how to stop
reacting to each other. What this means is that you will have to
learn not lay or dump your negative judgments, attitudes, or feelings
on each other.
If
this sounds impossible, trust us, taking this kind of action is much
easier than you might imagine. By the time couples are open to this
kind of work, they are usually so tired of being hurt and hurting one
another, that they are ready to try something new.
The
more you learn how to stop reacting, the more you will create the
possibility to truly start over in your relationship, and walk out of
your negative past toward a brighter, more fulfilling life together.
Start
Reflecting
Once
you have learned to stop reacting, the next step is to learn to
reflect more deeply about the actual reasons
for the problems that you are having. In other words, instead of
talking about topics
that exist on the surface of your relationship, you will learn how to
talk about the real issues
that exist at a much deeper level between you.
For
example, instead of arguing about topics regarding money, sex, work,
children, etc., you will learn to understand at a much deeper level
why you are having these problems in the first place. Once you
understand the reasons for these issues, you will be able to stop
blaming each other, let go of the past, and make better choices as
you go forward.
To
help you save your marriage, we will also guide you to:
- Call a Truce
- Create a Level Playing Field between You
- Make Your Relationship the “Hub” of your Life
- Fight Fairly
- Express Healthy Needs Rather Than Demand Wants
- Lead with Praise before Criticism
- Let Go of “Good” and Bad” Thinking
- Map your Goals for your Relationship
To
help you save your marriage, we will “re-educate” you about:
- Your Unique Relational Style
- Your Spouse’s Unique Relational Style
- Why Men’s and Women’s Brains are So Different
To
help you save your marriage, we will also guide you to restore:
- Respect
- Communication
- Cooperation
- Trust
- Intimacy
Give
us a call! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
